Tragedies In Our Lives

They've been on my mind since I heard the news. I have even dreamt about them. I didn't really know the women involved in the boat crash that occured early Sunday morning, but I had met Stephanie Beaudoin a couple of years ago at a mutual friends Easter brunch.  It's not that I can recall meeting her in detail, which I have tried in vain to do.  I seem to only be able to come up with a shadowy image of a woman who filled the room with laughter when she was in it.  Our friend who had hosted that brunch has been pretty shaken up by her death.  My S.O. seems to remember her with more clarity, and also knew the driver of the boat, Erica Blizzard.  Why they so permeate my mind has left me feeling a bit unsettled.  I can't explain it. I have so many other people to keep in my thoughts. 

It seems of late there has been a swirling storm of personal tragedies that have surrounded my S.O. and I.  They have brushed us and left us with a chill, but we have thus far been spared the full force of these tragedies.  It is heartbreaking to witness, and I am often left feeling like I haven't been able to do enough to let our friends and loved ones know how much of my thoughts they fill each day. 

My younger sister recently under went heart surgery, and although we haven't been on the best of terms, barely even speaking to each other over the last decade or so, her medical problems have been on my mind.  Perhaps some of it has to do with the fact that she is younger than me and is already having heart problems, a family gene that is very strong on both sides of my family, but some of my concern does simply involve her.  I grew up with her, and that does account for something.  She is not the only person in our lives who has had recent heart problems.  One of my S.O.'s closest friends also recently underwent bypass surgery, which adds to my knowledge that the heart is something needing careful care.

Another friend recently suffered a massive stroke last year.  Thankfully he has recovered well enough to be getting around on his own, but he's different now and it is difficult to see.  When he was well he was not a person I always enjoyed being around.  I found him to be loud and overwhelming.   He exemplified the larger-than-life expression.  I had preferred the company of his wife and left my S.O. to keeping the association with him.  The change in him is marked and he is often in my thoughts; my hopes and wishes that the person trapped inside the disabled body can be let out again. 

My stepdaughter called me in April with the devasting news that one of her children had been seriously burned while at a yearly family gathering involving a bonefire.  For years there had been no problems.  This year something in the fire exploded and severly burned her son over his arms and face.  Hearing the news, talking with my stepdaughter over the phone left me weeping everytime for weeks.  I was especially heartbroken that I couldn't make the trip to South Carolina to be there with them. They had the support of many family and friends, but I was still left with an emptiness over not being able to show more than I could over the phone or in emails. 

My S.O. and I also have two very close friends who are undergoing aggressive chemotherapy. He is one of my S.O.'s fishing buddies.  My S.O. feels constant frustration that he can't do more to help him out and is determined to get his friend back out on the boat this summer for their annual trip to Lake Ontario.  She is a vivacious woman who has always bellowed her way through this life.  She is the person who can walk into a room full of strangers and make friends within just a few minutes.  She is one of our companions to our football excursions to Foxboro and we are grateful that she was able to accompany us last fall between her treatments.  I am hoping she will be well enough to join us this year too. 

There are others; friends with marital problems and divorce looming, friends having problems with aging parents, coworkers who have had loved ones involved in life changing accidents, coworkers who are themselves suffering life threatening illnesses and my S.O.'s ex, mother to his children, also recently being diagnosed with cancer. It seems like I am seeing such things more than ever these days and there are times that it is hard to keep up.  Perhaps such things have always been going on around me but I was too busy with my own dramas to see it.  Perhaps it's that my S.O. and I are approaching a time in our lives where such things are just part of growing older.  I suppose it could be a little of both.  It keeps me humble though.  Humble and thankful. 

It's not that I want to forget these women in the boat, but I would like to be able to find peace with it.  I have so many other people to fret over.