Look

There is a car "warsh" (the New Yorker in me still puts an "r" in the darndest places) on Manchester Street in Concord that has a sign proclaiming "It's not how you go down the road, it's how you look doing it". Every morning I pass it and think "and there is the problem with the world today", then find myself swerving to avoid the idiot talking, or worse, texting on their cell phone instead of driving or the owl craning their head around to check out the sweet bike that just tooled by. I am thankful that I have become an observant driver who has learned the value of watching what the other guy is doing as carefully as I watch what I am doing while driving. It doesn't always save me from an accident, like from the guy driving on Loudon Road who slammed into me full speed a few years back, but it has helped me avoid a whole lot of other accidents. I learned a long time ago about the value of watching the other guy.

My first lesson came from my Dad. Every year in December we would make the trek from New London down to Manchester to THE MALL. Back in the late 70's, early 80's it was really the only place to get all our Christmas shopping done in one day. We would pack the entire family into our big Caprice sedan and spend a day shopping. My Dad was not a big shopper. He would be done within the first hour we were there, or simply leave it entirely up to my mother. He would settle down at the meeting place and spend the day just watching the people in the mall. I am a similar type of shopper. I go, get what I need and move on. So I usually found myself sitting next to my Dad and watching along with him. Those times meant more to me than any of the actual shopping I did. And so began my first lessons in the fine art of observing human behavior.

For many years I worked jobs that put me in the line of fire from the general public, from waitress to bank teller to service advisor in auto dealerships. After more then 20 years of such chaotic fun, I began to feel like I was being run over by a garbage truck on a daily basis. When my boss at the last dealership I worked asked me to leave, I felt a mixed emotion of anger and relief. Anger seemed a natural reaction, especially since I was still a single Mom at the time and my three children were my chief concern and I felt I'd been doing nothing that warranted such an abrupt end to my time there. The relief arose from my desire to be free of that garbage truck that was mowing me down everyday. I was lucky enough to find a job that still paid the bills, but greatly limited my time on the front lines of customer service. Still, there are days I miss it. I learned quite a lot about the human race during those 20+ years.

The thing is, much as I hate that sign in front of that car wash, it does speak some truth. How a person presents themself outwardly does speak volumes about the person within. Charlatans have long counted on observation of human behavior to guide them in their practices. There is a reason for this. Sometimes I am so aware of what the people around me are silently telling me that I am amazed when others don't seem to notice. Some people's personalities and tendencies just scream at you from the moment they approach you and there can be no mistaking intentions. Yet I am often surprised how many times the people around me, including people who are on the front lines of customer service, don't also see what is coming.

A couple of years ago I went car shopping. My S.O. has worked his entire life around cars and he was very helpful in telling me which cars had better track records as far as safety, maintenance and costs, but after a few test drives in the cars he suggested, I pointed out a sedan more to my liking. He shrugged, an indication that the track record was perhaps not the best in his opinion, but the minute I got behind the wheel, I knew this was what I wanted. It affords me the room I need for children, pets and groceries, but the sporty look also satisfies the side of me that longs for a Mustang someday. My S.O. drives a truck, a big one. He tows a boat. He hunts. He fishes. One look at his truck and you know all of this about him. Yesterday I pulled up next to a truck at a stop light that was completely covered in dried on mud and muck. It had the big tires and roll bar that instantly gave away the driver's penchant for off roading. Even my 15 year old could figure that one out. Cars tell us a lot about the people driving them. So do our clothes and the way we present ourselves in this world.

There will probably be many who will say that I am being judgmental. The term "profiling" comes to mind also and it is a term that has become controversial. But the fact is we all live in our skin everyday and we adorn it with what we find pleasing and comfortable, and we know full well what we want our outward appearance to say about us. For instance,  it is usually a pretty safe bet that a person who approaches you who is looking unkempt and unclean is a person who cares little about their appearance and thus most likely themselves. Likewise my son may not be "gangsta", far from it, but he likes to wear hoodies because it makes him feel just a little gangsta and I see no reason why he should be insulted if the people around him get that impression too, after all that's most of the attraction in wearing it. But the attitude isn't there. One look at the way he carries himself and you know he's just playing at being "gangsta". It's more then what we wear. It's how we walk, stand, talk and what we carry around with us. Body language is a common theme in any customer service training session. It is the whole package that determines the person inside, and it takes observation to put it all together.

I don't think it's that I've become some kind of expert on the human race, after all, if I am to be honest here with myself and you, I'd much rather live the life of a hermit. I would be very content to spend the rest of my life playing with my gardens, my dog, my camera and the written word and not have any more human contact with anyone outside my present circle of friends and family. What I think is the problem is that many of us have forgotten how to be observant. We have become a society that is so busy rushing from here to there and packing so much crap into one day, that we have put observation in the back seat and thrown a blanket over it. It has made our society as a whole selfish and inconsiderate in the process. We are greatly concerned with how the rest of the world sees us, but we won't stop to check out the world.

Stop, look, listen. You'd be surprised by your observations.