In an Ocean of Blue

'Tis the season of depression. It is a condition I have gone to battle against many times in my 40+ years. It took awhile, but I've learned to look for the signs of its approach. I've learned that there are certain times of the year when I need to be more vigilant. I've learned too that it is a real condition, one that is most likely passed through family genes, and it effects everyone around me.

When I go through a bout of depression, I suffer "classic" symptoms; loss of appetite, insomnia, loss of interest in just about everything, low energy, feelings of complete helplessness. Recently a loved one was diagnosed as depressed. I was skeptical at first. For years she behaved in a self destructive manner. She was what I'd describe as angry, defiant, troublesome. She was a "behavior problem". She stomped around making everyone aware of her presence and acting like a toddler. She created a world of anxiety and stress around herself that encompassed everyone who entered her orbit. People pulled into this world either struggled against her or did what they could to remove themselves. Nobody thought to ask, "why is she behaving this way?" I was as guilty of this as anyone.

In most cases, depression is treatable. The trick is in the recognition. It does not always present itself the same way. It's symptoms can be as varied as the populace that suffers from this condition. It often is well disguised. Chances are more likely that a person suffering from depression is still getting up everyday and going about their daily routines. I go about my daily routines when I'm depressed, but I am listless and irritable because I don't sleep or eat well during these times. I feel as though I am just muddling along, drawing from an energy well that is empty. Unless I say so, who's to know that I am laying awake all night worrying and/or crying? Meanwhile, my relative is battling the whole human race with her "in your face" attitude. We run and hide as she approaches, hoping to avoid a confrontation.

A friend recently admitted that she is taking anti-depressants. She always presented herself as a high achiever. She is constantly going and doing. She grew up in a household in which she was so ashamed of her surroundings and her mother's behaviors it inspired her to overcome the cycle of poverty and mental health problems to lead a successful and healthy lifestyle. Her drive to succeed, however, hasn't always matched her state of mind. Her depression became evident when things changed at her workplace and she began to feel her lifestyle was in jeopardy. Her depression presented itself as a panic state.

Another woman I know (I call her The Martyr) spends every waking hour doing everything because she knows that it'll only get done and get done right when she does it herself. She is constantly "picking up the slack" and complaining about it all the while. She runs about, stressing over all things great and small, bowling people over so that she can "get it done" but doesn't see how this mental attitude is wearing her down physically as well. She suffers from constant, ongoing, vague pains and fatigue. I was this person once. Being a single parent didn't help the situation any. I was in constant "gotta get it done" mode and couldn't understand why I couldn't find the energy to pull myself out of the hole of depression I found myself mired in. I was on the verge of a complete physical and mental collapse when I finally decided to make some changes. I remember the day well, laying on my bed sobbing into my pillow from a pain that bore into what felt like my very soul like some giant drill that bores a hole through the belly of a mountain. I ended up having to quit my job in order to remove myself from a very destructive situation. Not an easy task, but 7 years later, one I don't regret.

I'm sure my stable mental state now is as much a product of that decision as it is of having gone from single parent trying to do it all, to a two adult household where just the companionship and support is enough to ease the burdens of parenthood and life. Working only a 40 hour week with nine paid holidays and more vacation time then most places offer has also been a wonderful rejuvenator. Our society is not one that embraces time off for family or health, and it certainly doesn't put mental health at the top of the list. The American workplace is filled with stories of people who eat lunch at their desks, or in their cars, work and commute more then 50 hours a week, and rarely get time off to go to a doctor's appointment, let alone have a "mental health day".

Our mental health is as important as our physical health, in fact, many argue that mental health is key to our physical health. Yet mental health still suffers a repressive stigma that leaves many cases untreated. Fortunately, there has been a shift in this thinking, but only gradual. A perfect example is in my work place.

A coworker was recently diagnosed with cancer. The staff has felt an increased stress in the added burden her absence has created. There is also an underlying stress born of the sympathy and worry we feel regarding her illness. Over time, as we all went about our daily routines and ignored the stresses and worry, we each began to suffer from other maladies, everything from stomach ailments to newly diagnosed high blood pressure. After several employees began falling ill and productivity declined, management began to take notice and acknowledged that most of the problems were a direct link to our mental state brought on by this new stress in our lives. I am impressed with this progressive thinking, though it took a few weeks for someone to figure out what was going on. Now if only there were a simple solution.