The Parents
I just read Ray Duckler's wonderful article on his mom, and it made me think of my own parents, now in Virginia Beach, VA. My sister, Barb, lives in Livingston, MT, and I'm down here in Copperas Cove, TX. And I got to thinking. I'm going to be in Ray's shoes at some point in my life.
My parents sold their 5-bedroom house in Northfield in 1999, while I was still living in NH. It was easily way too big for them to handle. Three stories, counting the basement, which had the laundry, the freezer and the pantry. Mounting property taxes; the death of my father's best friend (known fondly as Louie the Egg Man to my kids); and my father's chronic asthma and bronchitis prompted their move. And my dad was just plain old tired of the snow. They have since down sized (severely) into a 2 bedroom condo about 5 miles from the Atlantic Ocean, near Louie the Egg Man's widow. They have been very fortunate in that they were able to get up and around, and explore their area a bit, and my Dad's health improved greatly.
Several years ago, my dad endured a series of strokes. He needs my Mom so much. When Mom had to have surgery a while back, the Visiting Nurses were able to help him with most of his needs. But a recent conversation with my Mom has had me thinking. What would happen to each, should the other pass away? And unbelievably, how can I get them a DVR unit???
First, the DVR, because that's easier: Mom, with the encouragement of her techno-weenie sister (a spry woman in her 70's, who thrives on golf every day) brought up the subject of a DVR player, so they can record some of their shows. On their income, they would only be able to afford it for about 6 months every year, because the other 6 months they are paying for their medications out of pocket, as they have used up their insurance. OK,on one hand I'm absolutely amazed with my Mom, constantly embracing new technologies (admittedly with my aunt). On the other hand, I'm amazed that their medications run in the neighborhood of $600 per month when they have to pay out of pocket for them. So, Elizabeth, my oldest & I are trying to play with our finances to help out my parents with the cost of their medications.
The other? The distance from my parents hurts. Ray is fortunate in that his sister is close by and can closely monitor the health of their Mother. I'd like for my Mom to come to live with me in Texas, or where ever I may be. I have a friend in Manchester who recently moved her Mom up from Pennsylvania, and it seems to have worked for them. As for my father, I'm not sure. We aren't as close as I'd like to be, but I'd love for him to come to Texas. However, he is ornery, stubborn and I'm not one to move him for my own sake. He would have to be the one to make the decision, as he's still very much in control.
Ray, best of luck to you. My prayers go to you and your family to find a solution that works for your Mom.
