Where have all the manners gone???

I understand that Southerners can appear to be overbearing in their niceness, but isn't that more pleasurable to deal with than someone who is rude and uncaring? I've been in many situations back home in NH where I've asked questions, and gotten the cold shoulder or an attitude that said that they didn't care.
Why do we need to distinguish who is friend/foe in a retail environment? I would believe that our own 'gut' feelings are are more developed and would be able to distinguish between the 'real deal' and something totally bogus. But this goes back to my original question...Where have all our manners gone? Is it so offensive to be nice to others that we are considered suspect? Are people in general so insecure in themselves that they can't take the niceness which is shown to them at it's face value? I hate to say this, but it's not like we are looking to establish a life-long realtionship with a sales clerk.

Really, you can just chalk all of this up to cultural differences. Northern culture and it's expectations of behavior is different than what's expected in Southern culture. While the differences might be uncomfortable when you're in the opposite culture, it doesn't make them wrong.

To be honest, I'd much prefer to deal with a cold Northerner on a day to day basis than I would with a friendly Southerner... It's hard to explain why, but I think it's just because that's what I'm used to dealing with.

I don't think we need to figure out who's friend or foe in a retail environment (and I'm sorry if my original responce sounded convoluted, I was tired when I wrote it). However, I do think that my movie store example does provide a good example of cultural expectations. Most Northerners go into a store expecting to be left alone (with the exception of maybe a "Hi, Welcome to wherever") to do their business and if they need help, they will either ask for it or look lost, they do not expect to walk into a store and be treated by the store clerk like a long lost cousin. Likewise, I would expect a Southerner to walk into a store and expect to be treated with the warmth and enthusiasm that the Southern fellow displayed.

I think Northern and Southern interpretations of what "rudeness" is tend to be pretty different. In the North, being rude is usually being overtly mean with or without reason. In the South, being rude seems to be not being overtly friendly to everyone.

I don't think it's the fact that Southerners are so nice that Northerners object to, though. I think it's the fact that Northerners have a very strong sense of personal space especially around people they don't know and I think Southerners, in their attempts to be nice and friendly, sometimes inadvertantly cross the invisible line.

All that said, I reiterate, they're different cultures with different expectations of people, and I don't think that's such a bad thing.

I thank you for your comments, Nicole, and I understand that there will be cultural differences between parts of our country. But again, I have to ask, where have our manners gone?? Is it too much to ask a 13-year-old young man to hold the door for his Mom or any other woman for that matter? Is it too difficult to show respect for others?? I'm showing my age here, but I remember a time when some one was addressed as 'Mr. Smith' or 'Mrs. Jones', unless told to otherwise. Now, if you show your credit or debit card the salesperson addresses you by your first name. And I don't even know them!!!!

If we don't show respect for others, what does this say about us, and do we really respect ourselves?

I find it hard to figure out whether men don't hold doors open for women anymore because they're rude or because women don't expect it and just barge on through. I tend to think that more often than not, it's because women don't hang back and let doors be opened for them anymore.

But, I think you do have a point when it comes to addressing people formally. Unless you're a teacher at school, more often than not, you're probably not going to hear it. I'm not entirely certain why this is...

Nicole, I think that women (in general) have become so assertive in their lives, that they have unconsiously suppressed or denied their femininity. Women have become used to doing for themselves, by themselves, and 'just barge on through'. I think alot of this might be attributed to the Feminist movement, and the pressure on women to be treated as equals. I enjoy being treated as an equal, not just a red-head with boobs, but it's not harming my psyche any to have a man open a door for me, or to be addresed with the common courtesy due any human being.

HMMMM!

Being a Southerner (if you really count Florida as Southern) I like the idea that everyone is nice to your face. I prefer to call it civility.
It never occured to me to be concerned about someone being nice to you in a store. Rather, it is absolutely expected by me. I would leave a store where I did not receive that treatment--or, at least, not return to it.
Another person posted a comment that I think merits consideration. Southerners and Northerners may have a difference in defining personal space. That could even include vocal space as well as physical space.
Just curious--for those of you who are native NH, is there a difference between you and other New Englanders and/or other Northeastern states in terms of "niceness"?

Come on Dan, you have to agree that since the advent of women's liberation, and the uprisings during the Vietnam War, manners have really taken a back seat. People in general were more concerned about themselves than to see the bigger picture, which is that society itself can and did change during that era, but so did the way in which we related to each other.
Since the 1960's up north, you simply said 'yes' or 'no' without addressing the individual. In the south, you address the individual when addressing the question or statement. It's common courtesy, and doesn't demean from either party. Up north, addressing some one as 'Ma'am' or 'Sir' gets you looked at like you have two heads (and I've seen it!)
Being that you grew up in the south, and are now living in the north, wouldn't you say that the lack of manners is a more 'northern' thing than southern?

I think, at this moment, that I find northerners less apt to be emotional. I am not saying emotionless... just less emotional. I tend to be an emotional southern person in this less emotional atmosphere. So, today, I find the abruptness, the tendency of people here to put up walls and find fault, the downplay of the need for genuine affection... to be more lacking in manners in northerners than southerners. It could be that this applies only to some of the people I relate to now. The northerners play things a lot closer to the vest than the southern folks I know. I sometimes tire of saying "hi! How ya doin'?" only to get a wave of something uncomfortable thrown back at me.
So, Susan, right this moment... I agree with you.

As far as the sixties and Viet nam and Women's liberation... could we take these topics one at a time?

By the way, CONGRATULATIONS! and enjoy your move.
dan

Dan, I do agree with you somewhat on the less-emotional Northerner. I remember when I was a kid and we moved to Northfield from Connecticut and my mother said since we were moving to a small, Northern New England town, it would take about a hundred years for the locals to accept our family. Although I personally didn't see that happen as a kid (since kids are curious by nature) I'm not sure if this happened to my parents.

Perhaps this lack of manners, this ‘coldness’ is one of those generations-long ingrained habits we get from our Puritan forefathers, who were known as not being the most demonstrative of peoples.

I find the abruptness, the fault-finding that some have as small and petty, lacking in manners, and possibly lacking in social skills. So many Northerners I know are very ‘New England Centered’ and have no or very little concept of what is outside of our borders. A friend who is very well traveled called this ‘The New England Provincialism.’ Now, I understand why some feel that way. New England leads the country in many developments, including medicine and high-tech. But other parts of the country do contribute to our lives, and cannot be ignored. Talk-radio host Neal Boortz (who is originally from Pennsylvania, and now resides in Atlanta) walked into a book store in Lenox, MA. He inquired as to whether the bookstore was going to carry ‘The Fair Tax’ Book (he did not disclose that he is the author). The clerk looked the book up on his computer and told Mr. Boortz that they would not be carrying the book because ‘it was written by a Southerner.’ This is just another example of the exclusion of items which Northerners exclude because it’s not ‘Northern’.

There was much made of a recent study in which hypothesized that more adults than ever are feeling socially isolated. They have no one to share their frustrations with, no one to go to for a second opinion. I’d be very interested to see the sampling group which gave the researchers this conclusion. Where parts of the country are these people from? Do they have close family ties? Where do they reside – in the city, suburbia, or in rural areas? Do they have a developed network of friends? What kind of education do they have? All of these factors play into ones’ development of good social skills.

I'm sorry, I thought this blog was addressing the differences between Northerners and Southerners, not the slavery issue. However, since you have brought this up, I have to take issues.

Being a Northerner and now living here in the South, I have encountered only politeness from all the people I have met. And the kindness went further still, when so many people from all over the country came to South Mississippi to assist us after Hurricane Katrina. I am personally moved by all the groups which still come to Mississippi today (we encountered several last week) to assist in building homes for people they don't even know, putting roofs on homes (which is nasty, sweaty work), and in the many clinics which still are in existence after the hurricane.

I'm not asking anyone to ignore the past. To ignore the past is to deny what happened to so many people. But there comes a time when you move on from what happened, and live life again. And to judge an entire group of people who live now, by the actions of a few (those who owned slaves) who lived in the past is very narrow minded. If life was lived that way, we'd still be at war with Japan and Germany.

> "But there comes a time when you move on from what happened, and live life again. And to judge an entire group of people who live now, by the actions of a few..."

In 2004, Alabama voted to keep school segregation.

That's right, it's the year 2006, and Alabama's constitution mandates separate schools "for white and colored children".

So much for "Southern Hospitality"

Can you please tell me your sources for the Alabama vote in 2004 to keep school segregation? and possibly where this may be taking place? I'd like to check my facts on this one and get back to you on this issue.
Thanks,
Susan

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A16443-2004Nov27.html

OK, I'll give you that. However, is this something which is still in force? No matter what the Alabama legislature does, it cannot violate federal laws. Federal laws (Brown v. Board of Education) ended segregation. This vote by the legislature of Alabama is nothing more than posturing. Besides, think of all the lawsuits which would ensue from this vote, because it is CLEARLY unconstitutional. Some Alabamians have their heads in the sand.

I'm so sorry that you haven't experienced South Mississippi the way I have, and continue to do so. Maybe sometime in the future you'll come down here, and allow me to introduce you around to the wonderful people, the great way of life, the food and the fishing.

...it still exists. In fact, Alabama has amended their state laws several times in order to get around federal laws.

Certainly not everyone in Alabama is racist; only about 50%. Still, that's a lot of people. Hard to believe.

I think I got off target when I posted my original message. The point I was trying to make was that racism washes out any friendliness. I was also trying to point out that us "Yankees" are friendly, we just don't wear our emotions on ours sleeves. I actually can't deal with people who are always smiling and being polite. Remember, the word polite comes from the word politician. Anyway...

I was in Arkansas about two years ago visiting some friends. I was staying at a hotel that served a basic coffee and donuts kind of breakfast. I was going about my business getting my coffee, looking for the sugar, etc. There was a southern older couple doing the same thing. The man from out of no where says (southern accent) to me, "Good Morning Young Man". The way he said it, he may have well said "Why don't you say hello first?" I wasn't sure what to make of the situation. My friend told me that he was just being friendly. I could have sworn he was looking to get his butt kicked. LOL

There is no racism in manners. Manners are the way we behave towards others, and in exhibiting such, it conveys the way we expect to be treated in turn. I don't change my manners for anyone, regardless of race. Please remember that the gentleman who said 'Good Morning Young Man' to you was probably just greeting you and your perception of the situation could have colored your assumptions of the situation.

As for 'Yankees' being friendly, yes, they are. But it is usually after being in a community for a period of time. In the South, people will be friendly, make conversation, want to know what you are about, 'size you up' or so to speak. In an area where many people go to church, and where violent weather is a regular visitor, you want to know your neighbors, and want to look out for them, as they will do the same for you. Of this I know personally, becuase we instituted an armed neighborhood watch just after the hurricane blew thru.

I was reminded just recently that there is a big difference between being a friend and an acquaintance. A friend will bail you out of jail; will come and get you when your car breaks down by the side of the road at midnight. An acquaintance is just someone to make conversation with, maybe go out with a few times.

I'm sure that not all Alabamians are racist. But then again, that 50% number that you trotted out there is very large, for a state that's had to live with the shame of Gov. George Wallace.

As for the word polite, Merriam Webster's Online describes the Etymology in this manner: Middle English (Scots) polit, Latin politus, from past participle of polire
1 a : of, relating to, or having the characteristics of advanced culture b : marked by refined cultural interests and pursuits especially in arts and belles lettres
2 a : showing or characterized by correct social usage b : marked by an appearance of consideration, tact, deference, or courtesy c : marked by a lack of roughness or crudities

The Latin Dictionary online from the Univeristy of Notre Dame (of which I'm a grad) describes the stem of Politus in this manner: polio -ire [to polish , file, make smooth]; esp. [to cover with white, whiten; to adorn, finish off]. Hence partic. politus -a -um, [polished, refined, accomplished]; adv. polite

As you can see, the word politician does not come from polio. However, I can see how one could see a politician as refined, polished and accomplished. But polio is not a root for politician.

Once again, I have to say that you are painting the south with a very broad brush. Perhaps you've had a bad experience in the south. Is it fair to wholly characterize the populations of several states by one experience? I think not. If that were so, I'd be so fed up with northerners that I would have moved long ago, especially when I had to change my tire in the middle of winter and I was pregnant to boot!

Since my travels are limited, much of my opinion is based on facts and figures. Poverty rates, etc.

I have had no bad experiences in the south, nor anyplace else.

Facts and figures never tell the whole story about an area. For instance, did you know that there were slaves kept in an area near Nottingham? Or how about the conditions of the people who came to work the mills during the 1800's and the child labor which occurred in NH in the mills?

Or how about that the south is the home to more car manufacturing facilities than the north? The largest car manufacturing facility in the US belongs to Nissan, and is in Mississippi. It trains and employs a huge workforce, people who would not have jobs otherwise. Or how about the Daimler-Benz plant outside of Birmingham, AL? the Hyundai plant outside of Montgomery, AL? The new Kia plant going in in GA?, the Ford plant in Arlington, TX, and a new facility to build thirteen tanker rail cars A DAY in Louisiana? All of these manufacturing facilities are going in because there are economic incentives and a willing and able work force to get the job done.

As for poverty rates, one only has to look in NH's backyard to find poverty. There are whole groups of people who are being forced from their homes by escalating propety taxes, others who will never be able to afford a $250K for a ranch-style home with only 1,000 square feet, because they work for the city, in retail, or other 'service industry' jobs. Look towards the Newport & Claremont areas and see how they have fared over the past 20 years. They have been totally left out of the economic loop that the rest of New Hampshire enjoys. And they pay the price. The alcoholism rates there are enormous, drug use is rampant, because of the lack of good paying, long-lasting jobs.

Facts and figures tell only that. It is the human element which really tells the story.

> All states had slaves at some point in history. The difference is that the North started to abolish slavery as early as 1776, and it was finalized in 1830.

> How many of those car manufacturers are southern owned? NONE! Besides, car manufacturing is obsolete. Car manufacturing began in the late 1800's. The south is just getting up to speed now; 100 years later? Today, America has a "service economy". Those people in car manufacturing are living in the past. Today, it's about banking, finance, medicine, communications, technology, and dynamic emerging businesses; and as we all know, all those industires are dominated by the north.

Poverty is all over the place too. Every state has poverty. But the south has a much larger percentage compared to its total population.

Did you know that 4 out of 5 wealthiest states in America are in the North? The Northeast to be exact. As a result, many people can afford to buy a house. For every one person who can't afford to buy a house, there are nine who can. It may be a bit expensive, but with a little effort, anyone can own a decent home.

You're right, facts do not paint the full picture about indiviuals. But facts are an excellent indication as to the economic conditons of regions, states, counties, etc.

The people I have met down south were very nice to me. But no more nicer than anyplace else. When I meet people, I don't use facts and statistics to categorize them. I treat people the same way they treat me. :)

Dear Susan,

I have been a member here for all of two minutes. I've read your interesting post; there is much to think about. I believe, in part, manners such as you are describing have been forsaken because civility, to many, represents aristocracy: etiquette separates those who understand what the first fork is for from those who do not. There is a tendency in radical egalitarianism to elevate the lowest common denominator; in so doing, the highest denominator is lowered, even forsaken. Informal manners, like we so often witness in the north, are -- perhaps -- a rejection of social heirarchies, smacking as they do of elitism. Etiquette of the more formal type, is too plantation, too country club, for loads of progressives intent on leveling the world of class distinctions. (No doubt my opinion is vulnerable to much criticism; it is, however, merely an opinion.)

I am a little disappointed that you should have given "Give Me A Break" such an easy pass. One thorough reading of the Washington Post article about the alleged racism in Alabama reveals a much more complex reality. And it is wonderfully revealing for those of us interested in quirky facts: the Alabama constitution is the world's largest constitutional document, with 740 amendments. Let's look at a few things that you conceded to "Give Me A Break" that come straight from the Post:

[The Alamaba Constitution is] a gigantic document that has more than 740 amendments and more than 310,000 words, making it the world's longest, at nearly 40 times the length of the U.S. Constitution. Four years ago, voters repealed a constitutional amendment banning interracial marriage.

OK. It is hard to call Alabama a thoroughly racist, inhospitable state when its voters take on an obscene document and vote to LEGALIZE interracial marriage.

And then there is this:

[One man] frets about Alabama schools -- just as schools in many other parts of the country -- steadfastly resegregating. This phenomenon, which is getting increased attention among national education experts, is attributed to a kaleidoscope of factors, including the suburban migration of white families, private school expansion and the rising popularity of home schooling among white conservatives.

So, the issue of school RESEGREGATION is not merely an Alabama issue. Apparently it is an increasing problem in -- gasp! -- northern states, too.

And then there is this:

The amendment had two main parts: the removal of the separate-schools language and the removal of a passage -- inserted in the 1950s in an attempt to counter the Brown v. Board of Education ruling against segregated public schools -- that said Alabama's constitution does not guarantee a right to a public education.

I will admit that this might all very well be veiled racism; but it also might not be. If the amendment had been separated into two distinct outcomes, then perhaps the result would be different.

And, then, lastly, it should be pointed out that it is a mistake for "Give Me A Break" to conclude that Alabama is "50 percent" racist. For nearly 10 years earlier (I could not quickly find more recent data), the voting age population of Alabama was 3,056,000. Assuming that the total voter population population was larger in 2004, and if the 2004 voter turnout was 1.38 million (as reported) -- or less than half of all voters -- then we cannot say that half of Alabama's residents are racists. All that we can say, then, AT BEST, was that half of the voters who turned out voted ostensibly as racists. But even then we can't be sure what they were voting against, since the amendment was two-pronged.

That these facts were all quite obvious in the WP article is telling. "Give Me A Break", it seems, took a break from reading the entire story.

Peace,

BG

Bill;

Thanks for your comments.  It's always good to hear another voice on this topic which has taken on a life of it's own.

I know no one who equates being civil with aristocracy. If so, then our ancestors must have had very high aspirations, for they did have manners, were civil to one another, and conducted themselves as such. But in this respect, you are right.  The North is very elitiest, and holds itself to a much different standard than the rest of the country

As for giving some slack to 'Give me a break', yes, I did. 'Give me a break's' initial blog on this topic seemed to be tied up in the warfare between the North & the South, "30 years after the North abolished slavery the south still had slaves. After slavery was finally abolished in the south, they enacted the Jim Crow laws, segregating whites and blacks. Segregation ended in 1964, only 42 years ago. And if I am correct, there are still various local laws in various southern states that still allow segregation"   I had intended this blog to address the ways in which Northerners and Southerners differ in the ways we treat one another, not to get into a discussion between the War Between the States. 

Conceeding to 'Give me a break' was exactly that.  There are some times when it is better to retreat, than to fight.  It was clear from the start that 'Give me a break' had some type of ax to grind with anyone from the South, and he was looking to use me as his punching bag.  I'm not anyone's punching bag, but again, I NEVER intended this blog to be used as a forum to re-hash the sins of the South. 

What I will say is this:  The Southern states are the most intriguing states I've ever lived in.  I have thoroughly enjoyed my time in Georgia and Mississippi, and would gladly go back there again.  There is much to see and appreciate in both places.  They evoke a sense of 'oldness' that one does not get living West of the Mississippi, where a home erected in 1890 is considered 'old' (back in NH, that's considered a home with character).

And since you like facts, here's one for you:  There is a community in Gulfport, MS called Turkey Creek, which is made up of the descendents of former slaves.  If you ever venture down that way, e-mail me and I'll give you directions.  It's a very nice little community not far off the beaten path.

Best Regards,

Susan

Dear Susan,

Forgive me if I at all came across as combative. I see that I might have been a wee bit strong in my initial post here.

Yes, you are right about "Give Me A Break." There was no reasoning with him (or her).

If I can return to my initial point about manners, it is this: People (particularly in the theoretically egalitarian north) have rejected more formal manners because formality represents the values of the privileged. But in egalitarianism there is a tendency to elevate what is perceived (by traditionalists) as crude manners; such crudeness is elevated because of the prevailing pretense that no one's manners are better than anyone else's. For all we know, that crude white kid with hip-hop etiquette is really being polite -- in HIS way -- and we just don't understand him. Even if he offends us, he does not offend his peers. Who are we to impose our values on him? Why should we think we are so much better? And on it goes.

You are right about the civility of our ancestors, many of whom were English to the core and hailed from aristocratic traditions. But what has slowly happened in this country, largely in the north, is the prevailing idea that not only are all persons equal under the law, all people, along with everything else, are equal. That this latter idea is very jumbled and confusing is no surprise. But it is part of the source of our problems.

And, I believe, the other reason our manners have been shot through in America (in many places) is that the American Dream permits it: What is great about America, in part, is that the poor can, sometimes, become suddenly wealthy. Not that the poor are ill-mannered, mind you. But if we look at many people who have gained ascendancy in America, people who have gained great wealth and cultural influence, they have done so by elevating vulgarity, mediocrity, indecency (and pornography); they have exploited bad manners and made them funny, humorous, charming, and, yes, even desirable. We see this in countless TV shows and commercials; we have seen it in pop music and pop film. The Beastie Boys are feted; The Beverly Hillbillies -- who may have been quite polite -- blunder their way among the privileged; Animal House shatters prep school propriety. In other words, what is perceived to be the bottom is raised to the top: the lowest common denominator is lauded, while the highest is lowered. I am not suggesting that the poor are impolite; I am suggesting that they have been painted as such. Hence, what is low is lifted up, codified, honored. Eat with your fingers, belch at the Ritz, cuss in front of the Queen, pass gas in church, talk potty before the president, stand naked in the locker room after the World Series: there are countless examples of this sort of crudeness holding high station in film, TV, sports, music, and literature. (Once bad manners gain wealth or produce wealth, they are not going away.)

Lastly, is there a difference between civility and politeness?

Anyhow, more random and no doubt indefensible thoughts. I am straining at something. I am just not sure what it is. Perhaps it is that our culture and economy are driven by the youth market (in many ways): too much effort, really, is used to keep adoloscence, and junior-high etiquette, alive. No one wants to grow up.

Blessings, and peace.

Bill Gnade

I think I see a whole lot of "its all about me." That attitude permeates our society at this time. Manners involve me thinking about the other person and giving consideration to that person.

This whole thread started about the manners demonstrated by folks who live in the north as opposed to people living in the south. It is remarkable the twists and turns this thread has taken. I am happy though that it has spurned interest and different opinions.

I, for one, think there are rude people every where. I also think their are polite people everywhere. If a person is friendly, does that confirm that that person is polite? One would certainly want to lean that way. If a person goes out of their way to help you in a time of distress. Does that certify that the person who gives the helping hand is polite and has manners? One would certainly lean that way. If a person steals your parking spot, does that mean they are rude? One would lean that way. If a person stabs you in the back and gets your job promotion, does that mean that person is impolite? One would lean that way.

So, as you can see, actions do say something; but do they prove something? one would lean that way.

Summary. I like to be around polite people. I dislike being around selfish, rude, and impolite people.

Dan

You are right, Dan. It seems that it all does have a lot to do with selfishness.

Peace,

BG

Well, just to chime in a bit. I'm from the south. been there all my life. The purpose of manners is all about respect. Respect your elders, respect women, respect people in general..... I love the south. i like that people are friendly. and yes, i think it's very nice to have a man hold a door open for me. Do i need it? NO but do i appreciate it? YES, absolutley..... I recently relocated to Kentucky. and for all of those that think Kentucky is part of "the south"... well it's not!!! so i've really aprreciated the south more and more. It's the small things that make a big difference. We may be a bit slower down south but atleast we're respectful. and hey, maybe that's why we're so friendly, because we slow down to enjoy the world around us...... and plus, who wants to be around all the negative energy from someone who can't even lift up their head and give a friendly nod and "howdy do" :)

I think Aretha Franklin has it right. I have many ideas to address here, from Dan, Bill and mississippi Gal (where are you from? I'd love to hear from you again!)

Bill, there is a difference between Civility and Politeness.  The American Heritage Dictionary defines Civility as: 1. Politeness; Courtesy; 2. A Courteous Act.  Politeness is defined by the same dictionary as: 1. Marked by consideration, tact, and courtesy; 2. Refined, elegant.

As for manners and what might be deemed correct to others and 'the lowest common denominator', I find this crap.  Manners can be had by anyone, at anytime.  They are not inherited, they can be learned.  It's like poker.  Poker can be learned by anyone, anywhere, and the novice has just as equal a chance as the pro to win the pot.  Manners level the playing field.  They make everyone equal to one another.  Table manners are a good example.  Do you want to eat with your hands as you grew up, or do you want to fit in with everyone else and use the fork, knife and spoon?  And remember, this in no way takes away from your individuality. 

Dan; you are exactly right.  This has denigrated into a conversation about what is right for the individual, with out looking at society as a whole.  We all do things to 'fit-in'.  Manners are part of this.  Again, it does not take away from anyone's individuality.  And there are equal amounts of rude people and nice people everywhere.  It's just that to me, nice people stand out, since I'm so used to dealing with all the rude ones!!!

Mississippi Gal, yes, the South runs at it's own pace.  I long to be back in Pass Christian, just wandering around downtown (it's all of maybe two blocks), tending garden, taking a long walk on the beach, or going to the docks to buy shrimp (my favorite!!)  Everyone is so nice, accomodating, and everyone's attitude is positive.  I believe that southerners know that complaining gets you no where, it's a positive attitude that gets you everything (especially in MS!) As an elderly friend used to say, ' You catch more flies with honey than you do with s**t.'  It's like the movie 'Pay it Forward'.  Do something nice for some one, and watch it come back to you twenty-fold.  And that's the truth.  Besides, who would want to help some one who is mean and nasty with a bad attitude?  Not me!

in conclusion, the south is slower, and we are more respectful. And being respectful also means being respectful of the traditions of others.  Just because you belch in the Ritz-Carleton a lack of manners doesn't condemn you, because manners can be learned.  I see manners as a tradition which spans all socio-economic classes.  It has to span all the classes, because appearances are deceiving.  And to be polite and respectful to all shows the pride and respect you have for yourself and all others.

I'm originally from Oxford, MS. but moved from there when i was 10, to a lil one horse town called Iuka, MS. Iuka is located in the northeast corner of the state. It's a very beautiful area of MS. I've been living in Alabama for the past 3 years, in school. I moved to Louisville, KY in March. Kentucky is ok. Louisville is the largest place i've ever lived, so it doesn't share the kindness of the south as I am accustomed to. Anyway, Pass Christian was an amazing place. I haven't been there since the hurricane. I was down there for Mardi Gras back in 03 an teh day after the New Orleans parades, we went to the one there. We had to park rally far away but it was definately worth the walk. Those old houses are beautiful, well i guess i should say "were beautiful" I can't believe they are gone. THAT my southern friend is a real tragedy... Anyway, this is the first time i've ever been on a blog of any sort and i was googleing one day and just so happen to come upon your entry and couldn't resist on putting my two cents out there about the subject. I really do love the south and it's alway nice to find someone else who can appreciate a wonderful place. Many people have so many preconseptions about the south that are stupid and untrue. So i just wanted to tell you that i appreciate your opinions. THANKS

Hi Mississippi Gal!  I'm glad you came back!

I've heard that Oxford is a really beautiful place.  I remember seeing it written up as one of the best places to retire, so it must have a lot to offer.  I'd like to get up that way sometime.  As far as the houses on Beach Boulevard in the Pass...you'd be amazed as to how many are still standing.  We lived over by the cemetary north of the tracks, and our area (south of North St) and Henderson Point were pretty much completely wiped out.  It's interesting, though to note that some of the houses closer to the Wal-Mart on 90 and down towards Long Beach way were completely demolished, including foundations.  If you get the chance, go down there.  You will laugh, you will cry, but it will be a good trip to make.  Go over to Bay St. Louis, too.  Been over one time since the storm.  That's all I could handle.

You are correct in that people have so many preconcieved ideas about the south.  We are all Rednecks (thanks, Jeff Foxworthy!), we are all illiterate, we are stupid, and we live in trailers.  I've found some of the most amazing people here in Mississippi.  People with true backbone, who won't give up when life's little hurdles come there way.  People who stand up for what they believe, politically correct or not. People who accept others for who and what they are.  Heck, I've encountered less racism down here than up north!

Right now, being in Texas, It makes me miss the manners, the way we treat one another, in the 'true south'.  Texas isn't part of the south, and It's not part of the southwest, unless you get right up near the New Mexico/Texas border. Where we are, it's more a huge melting-pot from all over the world, as Fort Hood is the largest Army base in the Free World.  But the food here is pretty dang good!

I hope you enjoy your time in Kentucky, I hope it goes quickly, and I hope you get to the place of your dreams. And please come back often!

Now, If I miss anything from the south, its the southern food. Which brings me to the subject of steak. I think Texas has the best tasting steak to be found anywhere. I don't know where they get the beef in New hampshire, but often it tastes like, hmmm... either like liver, or with some sort of chemical flavor, or no taste at all. I might as well be eating the soles of my shoes. I can eat a Texas steak without any salt, pepper, garlic salt, Barbeque sause, myriads of steak flavoring spices, or A1 sause. Up here, you need all of those.

Someone should do something about this!!

dan

If you send me your address, I'll go to the grocery store and get you some steak!  On this topic, I believe that you are right, and it could be that we in Texas are just closer to the large slaughterhouses for beef, therefore it is fresher when it comes to our markets.  I seldom put anything on my steak now, and when I lived up north, it was A-1 all the way. 

Susan, I won't hold you to your offer. It would be too expensive!!! I am going to Arkansas in Mid December, so I will eat some there. Thank you for your wonderful offer!!

Arkansas is so pretty!  Have Fun!  We were in Murfreesboro last year after Thanksgiving, to go to the diamond mine. We had a blast, just digging in the dirt. You going to Mount Washington?

I dug for diamonds many years ago. Is it still just a field that a tractor turned over? After all these years, I have never been to the top. I have been all around it though, many times. 

Yup...still turned over about monthly by a tractor. It's really nice this time of year, but it can be cold, especially if you use the water method to try to extract the diamonds.  We want to go to NC to go emerald mining at some point in the future.

I grew up in New Hampshire, and currently live here. But for three years I had an opportunity to experience living down South where people look at me like I am the freak. They do not like the way that I speak, and they refer to me as a Yankee. They are not friendly. And the ones who seem friendly, by greeting me with, "Hi y'all, how y'all doin?".... they are the first to smile, but the smile doesn't go all the way through. Anyone from New Hampshire knows what I am talking about, when we "Northerners" smile at you, it is because we sincerely like you!