Thoughts On Boys And Young Men

A growing body of evidence points to a failure in our society to adequately meet the needs of boys and young men. Or, is it that our culture actively presents clear messages and images that conflict with what we say we want/expect/hope for for our boys?  (I am not sure we are doing well by our children and young people in general but...)

There are many books out there now, based on current research, that explore this issue; I haven't read them---they are on "the list", but the subject catches my interest especially as the mother of a grown son.

Informally, unscientifically, I observe, or seem to see the following:

• School work, even at a very young age, is increasing "self-directed" and most young boys have some difficulty with this, more so, it seems than girls
• Although most teenagers try drugs, including alcohol, it seems to me that boys are more likely to go on to abuse and/or become addicted to these substances and to have this interfere with their transition into responsible adulthood--and I think we really underestimate the negative effect substance abuse has across the board; especially when it comes to contributing to lack of action (vs active effects like aggression, driving impaired etc) and initiative, a "why bother" or "I'm ok, I'll take care of that tomorrow/next week/next year..." attitude
• We talk about being responsible and looking ahead but our political messages and the way we, as a society, address pressing problems clearly communicates a preference for actions that are a "quick fix" aimed at "what works for now" and a reliance on the kind of luck buying a lottery ticket brings. "I could be a winner" (just the fact that we rely on a lottery for educational funding says something about us that I don't find very uplifting or responsible)
• Successful men are often portrayed as simply having "what it takes" while women, now, are more often portrayed as working hard for what they obtain (or is this my imagination?)
• The focus on teen sex, responsibility and pregnancy remains on girls. In general, although I see more young men involved, the young women take care of business as best they can and the boys are more often clueless, in trouble, absent or at least very conflicted about their own role in a relationship
• We maintain a certain 'boys will be boys' mentality in a 'law and order' mentality that no longer forgives what used to be seen a minor transgressions; this is confusing for the young and it is clear that being rich/connected allows for freedom from harsh consequences and even results in a kind of celebrity
• I think that having no one home at the end of the school day is, for boys at certain ages, has a negative impact. Not all, but many boys seem to need an external structure during some stages of development. Girls need the social/supportive piece but seem, to me, to better structure their time alone at a younger age.

Other things pass through my head on the subject but get lost---and I am thinking only in terms of generalities, not the individual person; we all need support, love, the knowledge of boundaries and hope...