She's My Stepmom

On a Saturday afternoon stroll through the local home improvement store, the girls and I grew bored looking at wiring with Dad and went off in search of something more exciting to look at. We chose floor tile. A pretty girl walked by and Steph, my fiance's 7 year old daughter, told the girl that she was pretty.

"You're pretty too, " the girl said. "You look just like your mom."

Steph smiled when she corrected her. "She's my stepmom."  We do look strangely alike, dark haired and chubby cheeked. Short. My own kids have commented that Stephanie looks like she could be my child.

 As anyone who has stepchildren knows, the road is a long one, filled with bumps and bruises, twists and turns. If I had a dollar for every time Steph screamed "You're not my mom!" I would be a rich lady indeed.

Our situation is a sticky one, but probably not all that uncommon. Steph has not seen her mom in close to a year. So not only does she resent my place in her dad's life, she also thinks I am trying to take her mother's place in her life. She is too young to know that I have been pushed into the role. I feel that every child deserves a mother, and if her mom can't step up to the plate, then I am forced to take a crack at it. And I have learned the hard way, parenting someone else's child is a whole different game than parenting your own.

So when Steph rails against me, and when she cries out for the mother who will not come to her, I am there. When she tells me she doesn't have to listen to me, that she's going to tell Daddy on me, I just bite my tongue. But when she wants help with her homework, I help. When she has a cut or needs comforting, I do it. When she wants me to read her and baby Julia a book, I plop down and read to them. I'm a mother, period. The "step" shouldn't be part of the equation.