It's a....

GIRL!!!! Yesterday morning we went to Hanover for genetic counseling, an ultrasound and an amnio. Because my AFP results showed a 1 in 10 risk of Down's Syndrome, the day was a difficult one for me. I am not one for medical intervention. I do not even like to take Tylenol. I kick myself for saying yes to the AFP test, knowing that it yiels a high number of false positives. But I took the test and got these frightening results, so that means one thing: more tests. We started out with the ultrasound. This took about half an hour, and we were able to see that baby is a girl. After that, a doctor reviewed the pictures and measurements and came in to see us. He told us that she looks normal, but that only 50-75% of Down's babies will show markers on the ultrasound. So the only way to know for sure was to proceed with the amnioscentesis. I was resistant, in principle. But we already have four children at home, and if we are going to bring home a special needs baby, we are going to need time to prepare. So reluctantly, I said yes. The procedure was more painful than I was led to believe it would be, but given the medical lingo ("discomfort" or "pressure" both really mean "this will hurt like hell") I should not have been surprised. I breathed my way through the procedure, which took about one minute (but felt like ten). And now we wait. Preliminary results are available in as little as three days. I have already notified the staff to call Jim at home, and not call me at work. So now I just wait, on the edge of my seat. And I worry. I feel crampy, I feel sore, I want to just lie down. But I have other commitments with the kids, and I can't just go to bed, the way I would like to. I feel down today, without really knowing why. The ultrasound shows a beautiful little girl. Regardless of whether she has challenges right from the start or not, she is going to be another little princess in the household, and she is going to be loved like crazy. I think what is bothering me is the uncertainty. And not feeling well...I normally bounce right back from everything, but I feel achy. I am trying to settle into the ache and understand that it is for a reason. But I feel nothing but bitterness toward the pain. And I have vowed that should I find myself in this position again, I am going to take my chances and forego all unnecessary medical screenings. This one AFP test has caused too much misery and worry.