Grateful

It’s been a long time since I have blogged here, but I am bound and determined to get myself back on track. Here, and in a lot of areas of my life.

The past year has been very stressful and eventful for me, and it is only now that I am beginning to look at the positive things in life again. I think it’s a fairly common phenomenon these days, to allow ourselves to become mired in the depths of disappointment and negativity. Life just isn’t going the way we imagined, or planned it would. Too many stresses, too many perceived betrayals, too little time spent looking at all of the amazing things going on around us.

I lost myself under an avalanche of challenges that seemed to sap the strength and vitality I had been cultivating right out of me. For the first time in a long time, I found myself laboring under the weight of a deep depression.

I’m broke and in debt up to my eyeballs, my fiancé is disabled, between us we have 5 children and one grandchild, and all of the difficulties you can imagine with that number of children. The house is in need of repair, my job will be coming to an end later this year…this list of bad things in my life just seemed to keep piling higher, and higher. I envisioned myself, a tiny, helpless speck of a person, standing at the bottom of a wall of snow and ice, no where to grab onto, no energy to make the climb. And I still feel that way some days.

But there are wonderful things in my life too. I read about Oprah’s habit of keeping a gratitude journal, and writing down 5 things she is grateful for every day. At first I scoffed, sure, if I was Oprah Winfrey, I would have no problem finding 5 things to be crazy thankful about every single day. But when I applied it to my own life, I found there were plenty of positives that were not being noted each and every day.

Since adopting this habit as my own, I have noticed a subtle shift in my thought patterns. Yes, life is still difficult, and yes, I still find myself taking a bracing breath to calm myself more often than I would like. But I feel so much better. Choosing to focus on the good things makes me feel warm and yes, grateful for my life. There’s my baby daughter cooing and laughing in her crib at 4 am. Or my toddler grandson looking quietly out the window at the cars passing. My 18 year old daughter, his mother, will be graduating high school next month. My fiiance seems to be recovering from a liver ailment that landed him in the hospital.

And there are smaller joys, too. Lemon drops, hot tea, my favorite song on the radio. A new Harry Potter book to look forward to, the debate with my son over whether Snape is good or evil…once I start counting the joys I find I could go on all day. All of these things fill me with happiness; they make the ice wall start to melt, and the climb to better days seem not quite as impossible.

Try it. You might be surprised at just how many good things are all around you.