Half a Year
It is hard for me to believe that I've been living on my own for almost 6 months. Half a year!
When I first moved out in December, I was so busy adjusting to my new life that I never really looked back at the old one. Then spring came, and I began to miss my Hillsboro house with the gardens I had worked so hard to establish through the past 10 years. A little internal calendar went off, telling me that my crocus, daffodils, bleeding hearts, and peonies were waking up. It is also the time of year when the neighborhood comes out of hibernation and everyone would start to congregate outside, most of the time on my front lawn. I spent a couple of sad weeks thinking about what I was missing.
The other thing I find myself constantly stressed about is money. I make my living as a freelance writer, with its inherent ups and downs of income. Each month I'm living on the edge, wondering right up until the last minute if I'm going to be able to pay my rent, car payment, etc. And these gas prices aren't helping, considering my work requires me to drive a lot. My divorce will be final soon, and the settlement I'll receive will ease the stress somewhat, but I will by no means be on easy street. Some nights I wake up and become afraid of the future. I'm 45 years old with no house and no retirement plan. That's scary.
Still, I always seem to manage one way or another. While we can try our best to plan for the future, it is still largely beyond our control. So, I find myself just taking life one step at a time. My first benchmark is my divorce being finalized. Afterwards I plan to take a week off and decompress. I feel like I have been running at full speed for six months. I need to take a moment to breath and then think about the next step. I want writing to continue to be my primary income source, but I need to explore some higher paying markets. An agent wants to see a proposal on a children's book I want to write, so I need to find the time to finish it and send it off. Plus, perhaps I'll get a part time job of some sort to supplement my freelance work.
I'm also concentrating on taking care of myself. I haven't weighed myself yet for the month, but my clothes are fitting better, so I think I've lost the three pounds I gained after I moved out. I've found a quite neighborhood where I walk in the evenings so I don't have to hear the constant drone of Loudon Road. And, since I am living on limited funds, I try to focus my grocery shopping on the healthiest, most cost effective foods-pasta, beans, fruit and vegetables. Most of my protein comes from cheese and peanut butter-and the occasional Nutella treat. (Nutella is the Italian hazelnut-chocolate spread. Yum.)
I also focus on the small joys that life brings each day: My neighbor leaving my newspaper by my front door on the mornings he goes early to the gym. The nice person-whoever you are-that cleared the snow off my car a few times this winter. The cardinal pair that visits the bushes outside my windows. The BB King concert the other night-my Christmas/birthday present to myself. The shop owners and restaurant folks I get to meet in my work. My cat, CJ, who came from the SPCA and was the best thing I could have done for myself.
I guess that is really all any of us can do to survive through change and difficult times-take things one step at a time, look for the joys in life, and keep hope alive for the future.
tips
Thanks for the tips, Ken. A big chunk of the money is going to pay off debt, which I know is a good thing to do. Then I want to put some aside as emergency savings. After that, there won't be much left, but perhaps enough to invest in something to give a little more security. Is there a minimum that can be invested in a bond fund? I wish I would have enough to make a house down payment--that is my favorite way to invest. But I guess that will have to wait a while.
Small joys
When I first left my husband with my daughter, our clothes and little else, it was the little pleasures that got me through the enormous pain, lonliness and fear. A kitten made us laugh and her purr helped ease the ache of lonliness. Warm cookies fresh out of the oven and the smell of bread baking filled me with a feeling of accomplishment. Dancing to my favorite music while cleaning expelled pent up frustration and fear. Standing over my child's crib, enhaling her scent as she slept, filled me with unspeakable love and devotion. Getting a new haircut made me feel pretty again.
Although I haven't experienced that kind of lonliness and fear in years, I still find joy in the smallest of things. When I put the bird bath in our side yard, visible from our kitchen window, I didn't realize how much joy it would bring just to see the birds lining up to splash around in my garden. The Cardinal pair who visit our yard are beautiful beyond words. Our kitten, now a 16 year old, still brings a feeling of contentment when she lays on my chest and purrs. The apple trees and lilacs fill me with hope of more beauty to come. My son covered in dirt and grease from attempting to fix his bicycle himself (I am quite proud of his accomplishments lately). A card from my daughter. And being able to give some of it back is wonderful too. I've been that person who has cleared the snow off someone else's car. I've been the person in line at the grocery store who came up with the extra couple of dollars someone in front of me needed. I've been the person who paid the toll for the car behind me on the highway. These acts bring even more satisfaction than when I've been the recipient.
It's the joy that counts
Yes, Terri, it is the small joys that help me through. As my marriage headed towards its end, I tried to find joy anyplace I could, and that has continued on. I hope it is something I will always do.
What is a little strange for me is being the recipient of other people's kindness. I was always the one who took care of everyone, who did all she could to help friend and stranger alike. It is hard for me to be on the receiving end of kindness. I had one friend these past few months who did so much for me, a lot of it simple things like making sure I had a can opener or giving me part of his stash of English tea. I didn't quite know how to react to his kindness, and often thought I might not have done a good job expressing my appreciation.
Hopefully I will continue to help others when I can, even if it is just making sure I listen to a friend talk about her problems instead of just dumping mine on her. Or helping a kid at the store who is short 10 cents for the candy he wants to buy. My real hope is to one day be in a position where I can help others in a more significant way.
No minimum
I know of no legal minimum. That might vary with different funds. I think the practical minimum would be $5 or $10 thousand.
New beginnings
I was so sorry to hear of your 'doings' of the past several months. Hang in there, sounds like you have a great support system. Wayne and are living in Chichester and the kids in Hillsboro are having a grand time with the toys in the yard and having a house for my grandbabies. Crystle is actually showing interest in gardening. I miss all of my flowers and such too. You were looking for a good chinese restaurant - Fusion on Loudon Road isn't bad-they deliver. Also, give ManYee a try at McKee Square. They are yummy too. My sister and I paint at Your Fired at the Lamplighter Plaza every Thursday from 5-9pm (ladies night). Come join us, it's great therapy. Thinking of you. Elaine Emerson
Hey Neighbor
Elaine,
It was great to hear from you. Thanks for all of the kind thoughts. Painting is not one of my talents, but it still may be fun to try. Keep in touch.
Linda
I don't know what kind of money your divorce settlement is, but if it's more than $10,000 in a lump sum, don't spend it.
If you can make a large enough downpayment on a house to live with a low enough monthly mortgage payment, this is an excellent time to buy. It won't appreciate in value right away, but if you know you're going to stay six years or more, you'll do very well. That's how I made my nestegg in the last real estate bust when the other Bush was president.
Another idea is to invest the money in a bond fund that generates the highest possible monthly income. Your principal will stay in tact forever and throw off that monthly income for you to live on. Mine is called Vanguard Hi Yield Corporate, but other mutural fund companies have high yield bond funds as well. For you, bonds are better than stocks because bond values stay much more stable, and so do their monthly yields.
If you try to live on money like this, it will be gone in a matter of months. That's why they call this money "keeping money."