Coming Out Via Facebook?
Submitted by Justin Drake on April 14, 2008 - 14:42.
Greater Concord | Just because
It's a bit of a new phenomenon, but with the rise of social networking sites like Facebook and MySpace, it seems that many GLBT people are now coming out via the Web. That's not to say that it's the method of choice for coming out to parents, siblings, or close friends, but when it comes to more distant friends or acquaintances, it serves as a way to break the news without causing too many ripples.
In my own experience, I've never tried to actively use Facebook as a way to come out to people. I've told my closest friends and family members in person and under my own terms, which I think is the best way to go for anyone contemplating coming out. Once I felt comfortable with myself and knew that the people most important to me knew of my sexual orientation, I simply switched the "interested in" tab to "men" in Facebook. This isn't any different than my many heterosexual friends who have their sexual preferences laid out in a similar fashion, only for the opposite sex.
Once I made the switch, though, I had friends come up to me in trickles and sorta whisper, "hey, I just read your Facebook profile, and... well, are you gay?" At that point I'm left to simply nod, and for the most part such confrontations have been non-events. My friend or acquaintance would simply shrug, and then ask me about my life. It's a very welcome change to the traditionally heart-wrenching and nerve-wracking process of deciding how to come out to a certain individual, and wondering how the conversation thereafter would go.
Is this type of coming out right for everyone, though? Certainly not. In fact, there are scores of people of all sexual orientations who choose not to leak that bit of their personal life out on social networking sites. I personally saw it as a way of making my sexual orientation a bit of a non-event. I'm gay... so? But for many people, it's just a bit too much information to be posting on any website.
When deciding whether or not to label yourself on a social networking website, you just have to do what's comfortable for you. Think about who may be reading your profile, and if it would make you upset if any of them were to read your sexual preference or gender identity. If there are people out there who you feel may not understand, or who may come across it who would be better to tell in person, it may not be the best thing to do. If you're comfortable with your sexual orientation or gender identity, though, then it's certainly your call to put that one detail into your profile.
A good approach for anyone thinking about posting personal information on a social networking site may be to limit the access of your profile only to people you're friends with. That way, you can be open to those that you're comfortable with, but you can shut out people from the outside who may be fishing for information. That includes anyone from parents to professors to potential employers. There's a fine line in determining what to post and what not to, and that fine line is different for everyone.
What are your thoughts on social networking sites? What qualifies as "too much information?"
Re: With adults, I think the
Submitted by Justin Drake on April 14, 2008 - 20:41.
Hi Nicole,
You make some excellent points. If I were working in a law office I think I probably would've stripped out most of the personal info/pictures in my Facebook profile by now. Luckily I'm working in a PR firm where there's a strong emphasis on social media, so we're actually expected to keep an active Facebook profile, to Twitter, and to blog.
I think I'd agree with your assessment about it being more of a non-issue with younger co-workers/bosses. As the Facebook/MySpace generation moves into leadership roles, I think they'll look at the social networking sites as a way to learn more about their employees, but won't look for "land mines" so to speak to determine whether someone gets a job or whatnot.
~Justin
With adults, I think the guiding force as to whether one shares information about themselves (whether it be sexual orientation, political views, what they really did Saturday night, etc) generally tends to be tied to what their chosen career and employer expects of them, or what they perceive their career or employer to expect of them. Different careers often have different expectations and tolerances.
Personally, working in the open source web development business for a rather progressive liberal company, I'm offered a lot of leeway and freedom in regards to online expression (whether that be Facebook, MySpace, blogging, etc). In the business model I work in... open source... the guiding principle behind what we do is sharing what you've done for the benefit of others. This is obviously applicable to our professional knowledge and code, but often times this concept flows into other areas of life. If you're openly sharing about your life on the web, no one generally thinks twice about it. As long as what you're saying isn't getting majorly in the way of your work, it's a perfectly acceptable thing to be doing. In the open source world, you're judged on the merits of what you contribute, not by what you do or are in your personal life.
But not every industry has that outlook. Not every individual employer is going to feel the same way either.
I've found that often the root issue is that many employers (and people using the services that your employer provides) prefer to remain ignorant about the personal lives of the people they work with and interact with them on a professional level. Things like social networking and blogs disturb this desire for ignorance.... and some people have great difficulty handling finding out personal information they didn't want to know. I think often the human assumption tends to be if we don't know what someone is really like, we assume them to be like us... Tripping over personal information that proves to us that this person doesn't believe what we originally thought he/she did, or is into things we disapprove of, tends to make us uncomfortable.... and I think that's where the possibility for being terminated due to discrimination can come in without even realizing that's the root of the issue.
I've often wondered if it's a bit of a generational issue regarding usage of technology. Most people around my own age (24) don't bat an eyelash at someone sharing their life online. Most of the criticism and discouragement I've personally received regarding blogging in my life has generally come from older adults. Is this something that might work itself into being a non-issue over time as older adults retire and younger adults move into leadership roles?
Ultimately, I think the advice I'd give to people is to be mindful of what you share online and be prepared to deal with the consequences thereof.