Motivation

Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.
Abraham Lincoln

Working and being a dad and going to college and trying to stay in shape (or I should say trying to get into shape) is beginning to wear me down. I know that I should be excited, I should look forward to each new day with a fresh sense of enthusiasm but I am too tired to do that. I am unmotivated in school, very unmotivated at work and extremely reluctant to get into shape. I went back to school because our daughter was on the way and I was a little uncomfortable not having a degree. Being an air traffic controller is more or less a dead end job. The skills necessary for success in air traffic control do not transfer to any other job. There is only one employer, the Federal Aviation Administration, so if I am unhappy working for them or they fire me, I am going to be in serious trouble. Before my daughter came along I didn't concern myself much with a back up plan. Now that she is here I don't want to miss out on a moment that I could be with her.
School feels optional, it's not required like going to work is. In my mind I know why I am in school but my heart is not into it at times. It seems wasteful for me to be spending time away from my own daughter learning how to teach other peoples children. The only thing I want to do is be with my wife and daughter. It really is strange that although my daughter can't talk, sleeps a lot and can't move around she is the most interesting thing in the world to me right now.
I look forward to the times that she is awake, to the times when I get to hold her or just watch her watch everything else. I know in the long run that getting my teaching degree will allow me more time with my daughter, the schedule is much more kid friendly than air traffic control is. I know that if I can put off temporary enjoyment for long term goals my overall life will probably be better. That sure doesn't make it easy for me to pack up my books and head off to college though. Looking back it sure would of been smart for me to have finished this degree before we had our daughter. It seems pointless to talk about it now but I wasted a lot of time, time that would of been better spent improving myself and my educaional situation.
Everything happens at it's own pace, there's no going back and there's no use crying over spilt milk...none of these platitudes really are doing the job. I hope in the end that it's a worthwhile sacrifice and I don't miss out on too much