With Chix you get egg rules... submitted, apologetically, by Dave

One of the daily activities here on the farm involves collecting eggs from the chicken coop and transporting them to the kitchen for washing and packing.  After several years of handling eggs I have rules I wish to share should you ever be inclined to get chickens of your own

Rule one.  You are going to break at least one egg a day.  Eggs are incredibly tough things, providing you are a broody chicken.  But whenever an egg comes into contact with a human hand it takes on a life of its own, albeit one with suicidal tendencies.  

Rule two. When an egg has been placed in a pocket for transport, a massive attractive force emanates from that pocket.  This force increases the likelihood of bumping into something in the exact location of the pocket which holds the egg.  The attractive force is cumulative… exponentially –  the more eggs, the greater the force.

Rule three.  The greater the number of eggs you put in your pocket, the longer you will delay going to the house to put them away.  Eggs in pockets elicit a sort of amnesia.  I have forgotten eggs for days in pockets, I have even forgotten broken eggs in pockets for days.    

Rule four. Never put an egg in your pocket…any pocket... ever.  Providing you don’t have an egg in your pocket right now you stand a chance of remembering this rule.

Rule five.  There will always be at least one egg more than you can comfortably transport, in one or even two hands.  And despite what you may see on TV, egg juggling always ends badly for amateurs..

Rule six.  Use a basket and put all your eggs in that basket.  Despite the prevailing wisdom about not doing so, having two baskets doubles the chances you are going to drop some of the eggs.  You may still have half of your eggs, but you will still have the full measure of irritation with yourself for having dropped them.  Draw whatever conclusions you will about your 401K funds in relation to this observation.

Rule seven.  The very best eggs are from chickens that get to eat grass and bugs.  Don’t be fooled, USDA free range doesn’t mean that chickens are getting out of doors to eat grass and bugs.  Not even close.

Rule eight.  An egg placed on a table will not roll off until you turn around.   The moment you take your eye off of it, it will achieve terminal velocity on its way off the table and onto the floor.

Rule nine.  The number of eggs produced by your chickens will always be indirectly related to demand for them.  Chickens lay fewer eggs in the winter, exactly when people want to buy and eat them.  The same law applies to milk production.

Rule ten.  Nobody else’s eggs taste as good as the eggs from your own chickens.  So get some chickens and then let me know when you are heading out to collect your eggs.  I can help you to remember that you put an egg in your pocket.  Either that or offer consolation based on years of experience.